How To Prevent Disagreement From Becoming An Argument

How To Keep A Disagreement From Becoming An Argument

Disagreements and debates are natural parts of any society comprised of individuals with diverse viewpoints and experiences. However, conflicts often arise not from differences of opinion themselves, but from how we choose to engage with those we disagree with. 

Unfortunately, disagreements frequently devolve into unproductive arguments as tempers flare and positions become entrenched. This article presents a constructive approach to handling disagreements. Rather than focusing on persuasion or ‘winning,’ it emphasizes the importance of mutual understanding.

Embrace The Disagreement

As Mahatma Gandhi once said, ‘Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.’ With this in mind, rather than seeing disagreements as threats, try to embrace them with an open mindset. Disagreements are an inevitable part of any diverse society where people have different views and opinions. 

While they may cause tension, disagreements also provide opportunities to gain new perspectives beyond your own. Approaching them with curiosity rather than defensiveness can lead to growth in understanding different viewpoints. Make an effort to reframe disagreements mentally as chances to learn rather than battles to be won.

Pause and Reflect

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect),” as Mark Twain wisely advised. This counsel is particularly pertinent when our instinctive reactions during disagreements are often emotional rather than rational. Acting on impulse can quickly escalate tensions into an argument. 

Therefore, make a conscious effort to slow down your initial response and question any defensive or reactive feelings that arise. Take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that approaching the situation calmly will lead to a more constructive discussion. Give your emotions time to settle before engaging, so you can have a discussion based on reason rather than reactivity.

Maintain Composure

“Nothing baffles the schemes of evil people so much as the calm composure of great souls,” Mirabeau Honoré Gabriel Riqueti once observed, highlighting the power of maintaining inner peace in the face of adversity. In the context of a disagreement, losing your temper is one of the quickest ways to escalate the situation into a full-blown argument. When emotions run high, it’s essential to really listen to yourself and check that you are not raising your voice or using aggressive language and body language.

If you find yourself getting heated or frustrated, it’s prudent to politely excuse yourself to take a break until you’ve calmed down. Return to the discussion when you feel confident that you can engage in a respectful exchange free of anger or hostility. Control of emotions is key to ensuring a disagreement doesn’t escalate unnecessarily. As Martin Schulz said, “In times of upheaval, people wish for nothing more than composure and sincerity.” This serves as a reminder that amid conflict, what we often seek—and what can lead us to resolution—is the ability to remain composed and genuine.

Prioritize Listening

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply,” Stephen R. Covey once remarked, capturing a common pitfall in communication. Bearing this in mind, many disagreements escalate because people feel unheard. Make a conscious effort to listen generously by making eye contact, asking clarifying questions, and paraphrasing what the other person said to confirm understanding. 

Suspend any internal planning of what you want to say next so you can give their perspective your full attention. Listening is just as important as speaking in any disagreement. By prioritizing understanding the other side’s viewpoint, you demonstrate respect and create goodwill, making resolution more possible.

Find Common Ground

“It’s good to find common ground with people. When you find common ground and you see things from other people’s perspective, you can have a voice in their lives, you can have an influence,” Victoria Osteen reminds us. This principle is vital when navigating through opposing views. There are usually shared beliefs and principles that can form the basis for productive discussion. Look for areas of agreement on values if not facts. 

Highlighting common ground shows a willingness to find solutions and reassures others you are not adversaries. It can help shift the discussion from a conflict to a cooperative problem-solving approach. Make an effort to focus on shared rather than differing perspectives where possible.

Acknowledge Mistakes

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new,” Albert Einstein once said, reminding us of the inherent value in our errors. Owning up to your own errors and shortcomings, with sincerity and humility, can do wonders to defuse tensions. If you realize an argument is based on flawed or incomplete information, acknowledge it openly. 

And if your own behaviour contributed to the escalation, apologize specifically without hesitation. Admitting fault makes others less defensive and more willing to meet you halfway. It also sets a tone of honesty and accountability that fosters the resolution of conflict.

Reflect on Opposing Views

“I believe that one of the best ways of getting at truth is reflecting with others who have opposing views and who share your interest in finding the truth rather than being proven right,” Ray Dalio insightfully points out. With this philosophy in mind, make it clear you are open to re-examining your own assumptions by promising to seriously reflect on alternative perspectives after the discussion. 

Thank the other side for providing viewpoints you may not have otherwise considered. Showing a willingness to learn from opposing ideas signals intellectual humility and good faith. It reassures others their input is valued and makes them more open to reconsidering their own stances as well.

Express Gratitude

A sincere thank you, especially for thoughtful or challenging input, can do wonders to improve the spirit of a disagreement. Gratitude diffuses tension by reminding both sides that the goal is mutual understanding, not the defeat of opponents. It also acknowledges others’ time and effort in a discussion and fosters feelings of goodwill. 

As we conclude our disagreements, let us remember the words of John F. Kennedy: “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” End your disagreements by expressing appreciation for others’ engagement to help preserve relationships going forward, and let your actions reflect your words.

Allow Time for Consideration

Kwame Nkrumah once said, “Action without thought is empty. Thought without action is blind.” This wisdom underscores the importance of taking time to reflect on the issues at hand without rushing to immediate action. It gives both sides space to process arguments and emotions without pressure, ensuring that actions are not empty and thoughts are not blind. It often leads to more comprehensive and innovative solutions once people reconvene. Taking a break can make or break a disagreement—the additional perspective gained may help turn an impasse into an agreement.


In conclusion, maintaining constructive disagreements demands vigilance, empathy, and an understanding of different worldviews. We must identify and adjust our emotional responses, give priority to respectful listening, recognize our perspective’s limits, and find common ground. For instance, shared values like equality and justice can bridge conflicts regarding policy specifics. 

With practice, these concepts can reshape our interactions with those who have contrary opinions. Ultimately, our skill in managing respectful disagreements amid shared principles will shape our success in addressing complex issues within a diverse society. Concentrating on what unites us, rather than what separates us, ensures that even profound disagreements do not divide us.